


Wham, Bam, Thank You Pam

by Prof_Anity



Category: Fallout: New Vegas, Monster Factory - Polygon (Web Series)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 11:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16892043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prof_Anity/pseuds/Prof_Anity
Summary: The Courier finds that her arms are too short to box with God, but she sure would still try to.





	Wham, Bam, Thank You Pam

Maxie carefully laid down a pile of coffee tins, neatly arranged.This had little chance of working, but the whispers that went through the Wasteland gave her some conviction.

Her signal completed, she calmly took a seat on the closed gas station dumpster, and waited.

And waited.

She would've called it a day, if a terrifying figure hadn't appeared, pockmarked face-first, out of thin air.

Maxie jumped, and quickly regained her composure. “The Final Pam.”

Outfitted in a feathery dress with sunglasses, the tall woman stood calmly, being imposing without effort.  Pam see you have children. Give them to Pam. Let Pam slumber once more. 

“I've heard stories about you, missy. How you ripped the East Coast a new asshole, then disappeared.”

You flatter Pam. Was teaching a lesson, is all. 

That voice grated on Maxie. It sounded like a deathclaw having a hearty concrete meal.

“And what was that?”

Pam the Undying's sunglasses disappeared, revealing her intense glare. No more questions, give Pam metal babies.

“Hey! _I'm_ in charge here.”

A grotesque meat puppet with Maxie's face appeared and repeated her words,  **_HEY, I'M IN CHARGE HERE_ ** in Pam the Existence Eater's five minute nail gargle of a voice, before promptly collapsing.

“You done?” Maxie sneered.

Instant darkness.

And then her sight returned to her in a moment, with Maxie finding herself on the floor. She felt her vital signs restart. Did she just die for a second? Can The Final Pam do that?

Maxie scrambled to her feet and drew her revolver.

Violence. Tut, tut. 

A hammer materialized in The Final Pam’s hand. She started tapping it against her palm.

Again, and again, human savagery trouble Pam. And once more, Pam must _discipline_. 

Maxie’s whole body tensed up, a breath caught in her throat. This was the most fear she had felt since her new life began. Getting shot in the head was nothing compared to this.

She opened her mouth, about to yell.

* * *

Maxie woke up to the smell of brahmin steak. She sat up to find herself in bed in an unfamiliar house, sunlight barely breaking through the boarded windows.

“There you are.” Cass’ voice carried over from the other end of the house. “I was wondering if you'd even wake up. Absinthe and Nuka Cola Victory. Fun, and stupid,” she said, as she brought a tray.

Maxie ran a hand through her dark brown hair. “That’s half of what I do.” She took her plate of lightly irradiated beef and got to work.

“What’s the other half?”

“Fun, and smart.” She stretched and arched her back with a groan. “How long have I been out?”

“A day.”

“Ugh. Time wasted. Feel like I got hit by a brahmin stampede though...”

“The Strip can wait. Clear your head first,” said Cass, in-between mouthfuls of steak.

“Where the hell are we? Whose house is this?”

“I gave a family caps to find a place to stay somewhere. They looked like they needed the vacation.”

“You aimed your gun at them, didn’t you?”

“I made sure they didn’t miss it.”

Maxie set down her knife and fork, content for now. “So, what exactly did I do?”

“You downed your abomination of a drink, took a Stealth Boy and a frag mine and said ‘Be right back.’ I found you slumped over, a few blocks from the Caravan Company. Guess that's old McLafferty gone.”

“Nice. Now to make that Van Graff bitch eat her hair.”

“Not today.”

“But---” she started to protest as a killer migraine silenced her. She tried to steady herself for a minute, before finally saying, “Fine.”

“Good. There’s only so much righteous violence even you can deliver.”

But as Maxie sat there simmering, she couldn’t help but disagree. She had to get on top of Vegas before it gets on top of her, and soon.

Cass wiped her mouth, and smiled slightly. “Thanks, by the way. You helping me put these folks in the ground, right there with my people.”

“Yeah, well, I appreciate the food. And you being such a crack shot in general.”

“Trust me, the way things are going for us, there’s gonna be a lot more shooting going on.”

“Good.”

Another wave of pain crashed into Maxie, and she had to lay her head down again.

She hoped this wasn’t gonna stick around. She tried to block everything else out. Through the darkness, she heard a voice.

Behave.

**Author's Note:**

> This makes about as much sense as I could get it to.  
> If you'd like reference for what my Maxie looks like, here you go! https://66.media.tumblr.com/6794ab9454cd878e81ca27750dc54082/tumblr_pby4u7Bx3i1rnduw9o2_1280.jpg


End file.
